18.10.2010

Growth-blocking lower mind feelings

The latest years before this inner process began I had been frustrated about the destruction of this planet. I felt pain when seeing or knowing people torturing animals, polluting environment and caring only themselves. In my heart I felt I was part of a bigger picture and that my personal choices affect straight to the whole universe. I was a partly conscious person with postmodern values and identified with the term "light-activist". Still, no matter how environment-conscious I was, being worried or questioning things with judging and semi-negative attitude didn't benefit much for the planet. Afterwards I also recognise the feeling of hate and having these negative feelings limited me to be the Real Me and to do REALLY good for the planet or the evolution.

I tried to figure out the solution how to help this planet but didn't find a way. I felt a strong impulse inside to do something, to act, not just talk about things with very few people. That was frustrating. What does it matter to question things and focus on problems if nothing changes?? So what to do? Traditional actions like activism didn't felt my stuff. I also wasn't brave enough to leave abroad as a volunteer. I definitely wasn't a public speaker but tried to inspire my boyfriend to go to politics with his alternative views.

At that time I didn't know anything about personal growth, spirituality and the consciousness. Understanding of my past has got more clear lately when I have been exploring David Hawkins's book, "Levels of consciousness". I found out that there are a large scale of different negative feelings (also considered as levels) which block our personal growth process. I was stucked in the ego-dominant, lower mind negative feelings which according to this book are (from bottom to top): shame (was previosly considered almost as bad as death), guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger and pride. Being stucked in these negative states keep us focusing on self-interest things like physical survival, emotional pleasure and personal gain and so there is no much use for us for making the world better.

For ego, it is hard to confess of having those feelings and usually they are buried so deep that we don't even know them to exist. I identified with the feelings of anger and especially pride which is under the way with the help of it's antibody humility. With the help of other people (my "mirrors") and the book I figured out that I have been stucked in the state of pride for years and before this I have not been ready to confess that to others or especially to myself. Confessing that is a big step forward and now I can start to learn to live with that but not letting it to take control of me anymore.

Pride was still there when I randomly (?) started to keep my first blog and share this important message but there was some transformation process to the upper mind states because I started to feel feelings that I didn't know that exist! Well, I have known that I have quite much courage but then and now it has began to unfold itself totally! Well, maybe not totally, hopefully there is much more to come:) Other new feelings I had were acceptance and neutrality meaning that I didn't let the outside world to affect on my inner state anymore. I accepted all as it was and "everything happens for a reason" became my mantra. Feelings of unconditional and universal love, joy and peace and were also something miraculous. I felt like takin the skin out of my body and starting to really live. Here are all the upper mind states (from bottom to top): engourage, neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, unconditional love, joy, peace and the last, enlightenment.

So I was pushed (maybe it was evolution that pushed) from the last negative feelings to sense the complitely new world with totally new emotions and a scale of positive feelings. For a year I didn't feel anything negative and as I have been writing, I thought the state was stable. Yeah right. Everything was so beautiful that it made me blind. I thought I was the captain but I wasn't :) I wasn't conscious about my thoughts and feelings (no matter how positive and negative) and that is the time when the real growth process begins: when you really became aware of your thoughts and feelings and the separation of your ego and The Real Me. That is also called a role of an observer.

Why am I writing this is because I know that most people are stucked in different negative lower mind feelings which keeps them ego-centric and limits and slows the growth of their consciousness. What is sensational? It is totally enough if you just became conscious of them and we don't necessary have to go to therapy to handle all the negative emotional lumps. First of all it is important to learn to really FEEL the feelings. We are trained to hide our emotions and reactions and the first step is to let them flow freely. Then it is time to be an observer of your body and the mind and learning to analyse your feelings and thoughts. Where do they come from? Is it the Real me or the brainwashed ego? You can have different, both upper and lower mind, feelings in every "basic" state, but being consious of them and not to identify to them is the key to success. It is hard to know what a feeling of universal love is and to go forward if you still have feelings of shame or fear. And focus on "you have" because you are not your feelings! They are just visiters!!!

Meditation is a great tool to empty your mind and start to listen your body signals but it doesn't necessary help us to grow away from the lower mind states. We can be very spiritual person "in high levels" but if we don't recognise our negative feelings and emotions which are in our ego, not in Real me, we don't grow. Spirituality might bring a lot of happiness to our lifes but it still is not enough if we have different limitations which block our real potential to show in and to act freely.

The book introducts well every states and gives us understanding to handle them and grow forward (to grow from lower to upper mind). Being stucked in the lower mind feelings is not the tool to go forwads no matter how great lifestyle, nurtition etc. you have. And this is unfortunately how the basic therapy handles the problems: focusing on them. There is an easier way for healing: focusing on the moment of Now and the things that are positive (positive psychology is luckily coming) and becoming an observer of your mind :)

More: The conscious life: Negative thought patterns that keep you stucked, stressed and anxious

6.10.2010

Finding The Real Guy

Oh my god how clear everything seem to be now! I was so asleep and I still am but a little less. What is all this Evolutionary Awakening, Conscious Evolution stuff about? Here is a little summary based on my current state of consciousness.

We all have an ego. Most of us aren't aware of it because it has been controlling us almost our whole life. As a child we were just for a little moment one with the nature until the bad guy took control. Our parents and their parents had an ego too so it is normal we have adopted that same untruthful mindset. The Ego is both personal and collective. It consists of personal thoughts and feelings which we are complitely identified with. The Ego is also collective with values adopted from the culture and society we live in. The Ego makes us feel separate and unique individuals. Our Egos are attached to different things and thoughts but what is important is that we should get rid of that mask we live with.

We might have our ego controlling us 95% (in Hitler maybe 99%?), 70%, 42%, 29%, 12% or 5% (somebody should make a test). If ego is dominating 67% then what is the rest 33%?

This is when the "unknown" presents itself. Contrary to the ego we also have the other side, which you can call Real Me, Authentic Self or Evolutionary Impulse. You might have heard also the name God or Spirit. Traditional enlightenment is finding the God inside of us but if you still have more or less limiting attachments = the bad ego, it is not enough.

If it is the God in us should't we have the same creative skills that the Big Guy has. Yes. Really? We all have the God and the power of creation inside waiting us to be ready! Well, as the lovely baby has many names I call it Real Guy as it sounds nicer. The Real Guy knows what is really essential and because It has no personal needs, instead, it is serving the humanity and the evolution of our planet. That is why the name "Evolutionary Impulse". Because it is a creative power, it can use it's ability to do almost anything. If all the personal needs (like survival,personal development etc) are missing there is just one mission: To be and to become! In practise, whatever is the action Real Guy does it is automatically right for the Evolution. The more Real Guys in action the more creation! That ia called co-creation!

So our main mission right now is to crush or better like cross our ego and find the Real Guy inside of us. It is not an easy thing to do because we are so identified to our thoughts (ego). Here are some helping tools how to develop yourself to the right direction: by reading this kind of awakening stuff = not-reading the brainwash media, by meditating (=listening to yourself) = not listening gurus and reading new-age spiritual books, by spending time with both inspiring and difficult people and observing yourself, especially your negative feelings, emotions, reactions. Where do they come from? Emerge your emotions by writing, shouting, dancing, painting, listening to music...Do what ever is your way, main thing is that something comes up (wheter it's positive or negative).

When you are ready for the big change or Bang Real Guy takes the control and exceeds ego. When ego is crushed enough (over 50%) Real Guy starts the Real party. But this is not a crushing party either. Our mission is not to reach any goals or seach for a better life. Our mission is to find the moment of Now and let go of our different
sections of ego. One by one. It happens the more you became aware of your duality, the ego and the Real Guy.

I don´t know how much bad ego I have left and I had to learn a lesson until I was able to admit that I still have one. But admitting and accepting the fact is a step forwad! There are still some attachments but I am starting to be aware of them, like that possible need to feel myself special when sharing this kind of new information in this blog. I really wanna go this spiritual path (not in a new age way but) in a
way of growing as a human. I have felt a stong presence of Real Guy and felt the strong impulse inside me for a while. That is something so hard to describe. It is simply the best thing we, humanity can ever have! The big change is not far away but at the same time I am so happy in the present moment and that I can write these things not just adapted intellectually but experienced in reality (which is changing
all the freakin time) :)

To make things clear: The meaning is not to crush ego totally because we also need our rational thinking system:) This all has been an important evolutionary process what you can study more from material of Ken Wilber's and the theory of Spiral Dynamics.

Related stuff:

Here is Andrew Cohen's great video (short) about this 49/51% shift

And here is Angels's great post about oneness (in finnish)

5.10.2010

Finding it can come suddenly, losing it even more suddenly

After confessing that I am everything but ready I felt the love again. Universal love. It was just a few moments but I am sure I get the state back when I am ready. For good.

Yesterday I was walking on a peaceful cottage road and looked at the trees. The forest looked back innocently and said: "We (trees) are here just to teach you. You have everything and you are everything if you wanna see it". Then I rememebered what my new dear friend had just written about visualizing chakras and colors. I looked at the trees and visualized green color spinning around my heart. I felt the connection to everything for a short time.

I know what the connection is. It is actually not something to get, it is me, the Real Me. First time I felt it about a year ago and my life changed totally. Day after day I was living in a paradise. Then I got used to it. I started to take life for granted. Go with the flow too fast. Focus too much on the outside world. Wasn't so grateful anymore. Didn't see the beautyness of the trees anymore. Lost the beautyness of the moment of Now. 

You can suddenly find it but you can easily lose it. You have to be awake all the time or you easily fall back to the sidetrack. It is so much easier to live in the future than in the moment of Now.

Nature is changing all the time. So are you. Don't ever close the eyes of your soul. Falling back to sleep is too easy.

You get what you deserve. It is simple. It is karma.

Like meditating, music is also a great practise to be connected, present and to emerge emotions and the inner power. It also balances our brain hemispheres. With music there is no goal and it's more like you don't wanna reach the end of the song. That way you can Be the song and Become love. Watch the stars and listen your favourite song!

And see the beautiful colors of the fall! See the beautyness in you, in me. In everything.



Today's article is: Spiritual Practise is Spirit Lived (Andrew Cohen)

3.10.2010

A new blog

I decided to start a new blog and first of all, I'd like to tell you some reasons behind that choice. But before these lines, I have to say that I really am not good in writing english (or speaking it, althought it is only a belief which I can brake) so in this blog, the language is definitely imperfect. But this is a challenge to me and I want to learn the language so what could be the better way? If you want you can give me some corrections in the comment box, they might help me but it is hopefully not the main reason for you to read this blog:)  I admit I also have to use dictionary, but only a very little. If you have been following "quinoaa" you might know that my native language finnish is even more imperfect:) Isn't it (grammar) irrelevant! Anyway, my language is easy and simple so I think you can follow this without great english skills.

During the last year I have learnt so much about the language and everything else. I can say I've learnt much more than the things I have studied in my whole life and the things I have learnt are really at least 1000 times more important than the skills I learned from schools.  I believe we all have so much different talents inside of us, waiting us to be ready and arise! And the learning process is constant if you keep your eyes open.

Well..the purpose of this new blog is to be everything but a teaching blog (or a wanna-be teaching blog), like my other blog, quinoaa partly is. This blog is more like my personal diary and I am going to write it more openly trying to think only of myself (even it is hard). During last days I have noticed that my ego, whether it is good or bad ego (or Ego), has some needs about being right or/and to teach others etc. I also have had feelings of jealousy, discomfort and fear which I openly don't confess to have for a long time. Honestly, my mind has been lately like a fog. I have lost contact to the Real Me, Authentic Self or what you wanna call it. I think this is a phase where you have to be on the bottom for a while in order to go forward. Lately I have also focused quite much to the outside world and lost my physical/spiritual balance and now I am in a cottage and also fasting to find the peace again. Let's see what happens.

Here is a little background about my spiritual journey:

About a year ago, I noticed that my reality had totally changed. The process started a few months earlier when I suddenly got unemployed and came back to Finland after two-week holiday in Usa. I was totally depressed and hopeless for a while, though I had everything well in the outside world; relationship, apartment, friends etc. Something was still so missing. It was the Spirit in me. It was hiding and waiting my readiness. I started to write the blog and noticed I can spread this important information. It brought so much new hope to me. Then I started to open my eyes a bit more. Something was beginning to unfold a totally new reality to me. Day by day. Some weird books ended up to my hands. And I was so ready to jump!

I ended up down in the rabbit hole and I am still there. Confused? YES. Every day was the best day ever and it got better all the time so much that I almost felt ashamed! I felt like extacy and it was the best stimulant I have ever use. Every morning I woke up and thought it was a dream and the old reality is back. But it wasn't. There were only few people that could understand me. But I still could't put it in words what was happening to me. Suddenly I didn't have any negative thoughts or actually, thoughts at all. I didn't think about the future at all, and especially the past. I only had this moment of now and the ongoing peace inside. When I meditate I started to here a voice which I hadn't heard before. It told me the things I should do. I gave up my relationship with my boyfriend, I forgave my father for all the things I had been blaming him. I forgave to everyone and at last myself. I loved myself, I loved everybody, cause I felt it so stongly: We are all one!

A year has passed from that new reality of mine and life is still a playground, a continuous miracle but it has stabilized. I don't remember what the old reality was anymore. When looking back I can see that the time I described was a phase when I found the state on "Being" and when I experience the oneness, the Spirit/God or what you wanna call it. When the Spirit has found itself it is not meant that it stays in place. This year has been a time when the Spirit has started to learn to take his/her first babysteps! To live, create and express.

So we are in the beginning of a new humanity and people are experiencing these shifts from Ego to Essence sooner or later. Now I wanna specify that I haven't made the shift totally. The shift is usually not so clear and the spiritual process doesn't only feel like going forward and uphill. No way! Bad ego can make you to believe that you are there, but you are never There (well, maybe some day, after many many next lifes but it is not our current matter). In the period of peace bad ego made me believe I don't have any bad ego at all. But it was only a phase. Remember: what we feel and believe now is not what you feel tomorrow. As I told, I have some parts of bad ego (negative thoughts, beliefs) still left. How I found it out? Through others. Thank you for awakening, guys! This is definetely not a path going alone! Feeling bad is a sign to learn, developing yourselve especially if you feel fucking bad. But you can only learn by acceptance and only if you can see yourselve as an observer and don't identify your feelings and thoughts. It is a challenge to me also. This blog is a place where I update my Spiritual process and trying to be honest to myself.

Blog's name "spiralling" didn't came as easily as "quinoaa". My options were: "alice in a wonderland", "rabbit hole", "only words" but they didn't match in some way. Then I thought about the words which are related to consciousness in some way and "Spiral" hit somewhere, (from the Spiral Dynamics probably). Spiral is a great describer of the development of our consciousness and also many other things in life. As I feel, the time is not linear, it is more like a spiral. We are developing ourselves by learnig new skills all the time. When our thinking systems brake we can stop the progress of aging. You are what you think you are. Sorry, this is not a teaching blog :)

I don't exactly know what "spiralling" means, but I don't know much more of anything else but I like the word and I also like the Keane's song "Spiralling". 

At last I want to thank some people that have been really important to me during this spiritual process. Maybe this is also a good pracise for my next book which hopefully comes straight from Essence, when it unfolds itself, complitely :) These people have been like "mirrors" and teachers to me. People that made me to question myself, my reality and beliefs, and gave me support and also reminded that this is not a competition of enlightenment. When we help each others, we help ourselves. No matter if it is a tree or a human. But I personally have learned mostly from them who got me irritated or angry:) They are my mirrors. The sides of me which I wanna deny. Thank you Jukka, Mirva and Timo.

And the learnig process goes on, it never stops!

Check also my soul sister Mirva's new blog: The Evolutionaty Chick! Mirva inspired me to write also in english!

After my postings I always share a link to some interesting, topic-related article. Today it is this:

Basics for the new evolutionary awareness - and how to reach that