I decided to start a new blog and first of all, I'd like to tell you some reasons behind that choice. But before these lines, I have to say that I really am not good in writing english (or speaking it, althought it is only a belief which I can brake) so in this blog, the language is definitely imperfect. But this is a challenge to me and I want to learn the language so what could be the better way? If you want you can give me some corrections in the comment box, they might help me but it is hopefully not the main reason for you to read this blog:) I admit I also have to use dictionary, but only a very little. If you have been following "quinoaa" you might know that my native language finnish is even more imperfect:) Isn't it (grammar) irrelevant! Anyway, my language is easy and simple so I think you can follow this without great english skills.
During the last year I have learnt so much about the language and everything else. I can say I've learnt much more than the things I have studied in my whole life and the things I have learnt are really at least 1000 times more important than the skills I learned from schools. I believe we all have so much different talents inside of us, waiting us to be ready and arise! And the learning process is constant if you keep your eyes open.
Well..the purpose of this new blog is to be everything but a teaching blog (or a wanna-be teaching blog), like my other blog, quinoaa partly is. This blog is more like my personal diary and I am going to write it more openly trying to think only of myself (even it is hard). During last days I have noticed that my ego, whether it is good or bad ego (or Ego), has some needs about being right or/and to teach others etc. I also have had feelings of jealousy, discomfort and fear which I openly don't confess to have for a long time. Honestly, my mind has been lately like a fog. I have lost contact to the Real Me, Authentic Self or what you wanna call it. I think this is a phase where you have to be on the bottom for a while in order to go forward. Lately I have also focused quite much to the outside world and lost my physical/spiritual balance and now I am in a cottage and also fasting to find the peace again. Let's see what happens.
Here is a little background about my spiritual journey:
About a year ago, I noticed that my reality had totally changed. The process started a few months earlier when I suddenly got unemployed and came back to Finland after two-week holiday in Usa. I was totally depressed and hopeless for a while, though I had everything well in the outside world; relationship, apartment, friends etc. Something was still so missing. It was the Spirit in me. It was hiding and waiting my readiness. I started to write the blog and noticed I can spread this important information. It brought so much new hope to me. Then I started to open my eyes a bit more. Something was beginning to unfold a totally new reality to me. Day by day. Some weird books ended up to my hands. And I was so ready to jump!
I ended up down in the rabbit hole and I am still there. Confused? YES. Every day was the best day ever and it got better all the time so much that I almost felt ashamed! I felt like extacy and it was the best stimulant I have ever use. Every morning I woke up and thought it was a dream and the old reality is back. But it wasn't. There were only few people that could understand me. But I still could't put it in words what was happening to me. Suddenly I didn't have any negative thoughts or actually, thoughts at all. I didn't think about the future at all, and especially the past. I only had this moment of now and the ongoing peace inside. When I meditate I started to here a voice which I hadn't heard before. It told me the things I should do. I gave up my relationship with my boyfriend, I forgave my father for all the things I had been blaming him. I forgave to everyone and at last myself. I loved myself, I loved everybody, cause I felt it so stongly: We are all one!
A year has passed from that new reality of mine and life is still a playground, a continuous miracle but it has stabilized. I don't remember what the old reality was anymore. When looking back I can see that the time I described was a phase when I found the state on "Being" and when I experience the oneness, the Spirit/God or what you wanna call it. When the Spirit has found itself it is not meant that it stays in place. This year has been a time when the Spirit has started to learn to take his/her first babysteps! To live, create and express.
So we are in the beginning of a new humanity and people are experiencing these shifts from Ego to Essence sooner or later. Now I wanna specify that I haven't made the shift totally. The shift is usually not so clear and the spiritual process doesn't only feel like going forward and uphill. No way! Bad ego can make you to believe that you are there, but you are never There (well, maybe some day, after many many next lifes but it is not our current matter). In the period of peace bad ego made me believe I don't have any bad ego at all. But it was only a phase. Remember: what we feel and believe now is not what you feel tomorrow. As I told, I have some parts of bad ego (negative thoughts, beliefs) still left. How I found it out? Through others. Thank you for awakening, guys! This is definetely not a path going alone! Feeling bad is a sign to learn, developing yourselve especially if you feel fucking bad. But you can only learn by acceptance and only if you can see yourselve as an observer and don't identify your feelings and thoughts. It is a challenge to me also. This blog is a place where I update my Spiritual process and trying to be honest to myself.
Blog's name "spiralling" didn't came as easily as "quinoaa". My options were: "alice in a wonderland", "rabbit hole", "only words" but they didn't match in some way. Then I thought about the words which are related to consciousness in some way and "Spiral" hit somewhere, (from the Spiral Dynamics probably). Spiral is a great describer of the development of our consciousness and also many other things in life. As I feel, the time is not linear, it is more like a spiral. We are developing ourselves by learnig new skills all the time. When our thinking systems brake we can stop the progress of aging. You are what you think you are. Sorry, this is not a teaching blog :)
I don't exactly know what "spiralling" means, but I don't know much more of anything else but I like the word and I also like the Keane's song "Spiralling".
At last I want to thank some people that have been really important to me during this spiritual process. Maybe this is also a good pracise for my next book which hopefully comes straight from Essence, when it unfolds itself, complitely :) These people have been like "mirrors" and teachers to me. People that made me to question myself, my reality and beliefs, and gave me support and also reminded that this is not a competition of enlightenment. When we help each others, we help ourselves. No matter if it is a tree or a human. But I personally have learned mostly from them who got me irritated or angry:) They are my mirrors. The sides of me which I wanna deny. Thank you Jukka, Mirva and Timo.
And the learnig process goes on, it never stops!
Check also my soul sister Mirva's new blog: The Evolutionaty Chick! Mirva inspired me to write also in english!
After my postings I always share a link to some interesting, topic-related article. Today it is this:
Basics for the new evolutionary awareness - and how to reach that
Humility and not-already-knowing is the hard lesson we have to learn. So nice to have you back Heidi - I think you know what I mean :-) And you are so right - we have to do this together, this is about co-creating the future in the Now.
VastaaPoistaIt really feels like this is more the real Heidi, cool! I agree with Timo about the humility (which is obviously no surprise ;).
VastaaPoistaGo Heidi! Love ya!
Hi!! :) Now I can read you better :) Kisses!
VastaaPoistaP.s It was me :D Adriana
VastaaPoistaGreat first writing Heidi :)Angel
VastaaPoistaLots of Light and Love your Path!
VastaaPoistaEverything is in You. Thank you so much your thoughts and inspiring :)
-Amarpal
Good luck with your new blog.Never mind your spelling mistakes;this was a good honest post.
VastaaPoistaI can also say that what an honest writing!
VastaaPoistaHugs and <3
This is the first time I ever wrote to your blog Heidi - thank you for your inspiring ideas :)
VastaaPoistaIt's weird how every now and then I feel totally confident about my life, when the present and actually the rest of my life seems so clear, so easy and simple. Then when I least expect it, on one casual day, it feels like I'm missing out on so much and there is so much things to do and people to relate to. Sometimes it feels like I'm in total unity with all the people around me - then a negative experience breaks this image, like "how could she do it".
What I've learnt so far is that by being completely honest with oneself is the path. If everything else falls apart, at least I know I was true to my own way. This honesty in my opinion should always be done with great respect towards fellow humans, not with "leuka pystyssä" -asenne :). Speak and think what you really want to express - I feel it always leads to oneself being happier.
I once wrote something about living in the moment - it felt so right and good to write this: http://kinkkinenjuttu.blogspot.com/2010/01/life-is-just-ride.html
Regards
Junnu
Thank you so much for all the comments. This is really a great english practice for me also:)
VastaaPoistaJunnu: I think that those "mood changes" have something to do with brain chemical connections with feelings made in your past. Some people, things and situations just emerge them up! Then it is time to analyse where these unusual and negative feelings arise. Is it a side of you who you see in other person. Say them aloud. Accept. Love.
Things and situations outside are just a mirror to what is inside of us. I used to blame weather, people and everyone but me. Now I know it is a place to stop if something negative emerges.
Actually, couple of weekends back I was nervous on a Saturday night for a.. social event. I had just been reading about the concept of "quarter-life crisis" (it seems I'm not alone ;) ) and related material, when, on the bus, I understood that it is my inner reflection towards the external world that made me feel uncomfortable. After deeply realizing this I could just channel out the anxiety and say to myself: "there is nothing to be afraid of. There is nothing the external world can press upon me that would make me feel bad or inconfident".
VastaaPoistaThe above story seems so ordinary, but it's the little things, which everybody have to truly understand and experience, before true change can occur.
It is true Heidi what you said about the things that make feelings emerge. I tremble in awe in front of the power that feelings have over us humans. But little by little I've noticed I am able to be more neutral about more and more things that previously would have upset me.
Sounds great that you have realized that the feeling came inside. I think we need both, "negative" and positive people around us during this process. Positive ones push us forward and give us hope and inspiration. Negative (or challenge) ones are the best teachers. But most of us have only company that retract us. Need to have encourage to step away from the comfort zone to strangers.
VastaaPoistaWhen we are strong enough and have the inner balance its no matter in which company u are.
Yes! Everybody must definitely go these things through before the change. Reading and studying is not enough. The most important school is inside of us. Teachers are everywhere if you wanna see them.